How I Became a Doula
When I was growing up, I wanted to be something that most girls wanted to be when we were soft, fearless and still wet around the ears. A star! I wanted to be a singer and to this day I can still hold a note or three. As I grew up and began to both develop and explore other interests, I decided to trade in my mic from a pen and journal to become a writer. My 11th grade English teacher Mr. Fisher affirmed my ability to write well and from there I ran with it, majoring in Mass Communications once I got to college with the dream of becoming Chief Editor of a major print magazine company.
I later went on to become a published author releasing my first title, Girl Power 101 and I launched a few businesses. I guess you can say I became a serial entrepreneur. Out of all the things I got into, at no point did I ever consider health and wellness nor birthwork. My father tried getting me to be a nurse, and I was like, “hell no”. I couldn’t fathom having to deal with all the things I thought were gross like bodily fluids, excessive nudity, bed pans and so forth. And now I live for this stuff! What happened? What had gotten into me? The only answer I can think of is, life.
No matter our beliefs, we were all created for a purpose. We manifested ourselves into physical form so that we could carry out that purpose. The way we figure out what that is differs. For me, I had to experience some things. I became a young mother at the age of 22 and my birth story was a nightmare. I wasn’t prepared for my birth or motherhood and neither did I feel supported. Trauma developed and I had to work through that over the years.
I became pregnant a second time and suffered a miscarriage at 19 weeks gestation. Another traumatizing birth. That was two years ago.
Still a writer at this time, someone asked me, “What would you do if you weren’t writing?” My response, “I’d be this medicine woman that goes around helping people heal themselves with food and herbs and I’d probably also be a doula.” He looked at me, smiled and said, “I can see that.”
A few weeks later, I was asked the same question in a session with Danielle Fanfair who specializes in the Enneagram. I told her that I was bored with my writing career although I loved it so much. She explained to me the complexities of my personality type and how I needed to be doing some type of activism work in order to possess fulfilment. When I shared my interests with her, she immediately agreed and sent me some information on how to become a doula. I found a training program that same week and became a doula later that year.
When we talk about this kind of work, soul work that is rooted in love and genuine care for humans and nature, we have to acknowledge that there must be some higher power involved. The chosen few who stand in the gap to do this work are magical beings that were sent here to shift the paradigm. Seeing how I never intended to do birth work or be a maternal health/birth justice advocate and activist of any kind, I know that occupying this space is my destiny. It took for me to try other things and fail, to experience loss and have those traumatic birth experiences to get to this place. There were so many days filled with tears, anger, confusion and regret. Though those moments weren’t pleasurable, they were necessary. It is because of what I’ve gone through that I can comfort a mom who’s lost her baby from a place of empathy and not sympathy. It’s because of what happened to me that I can prepare a young mother for how her life is about to change. It’s because nobody fought for me that I will continue to fight for birthing families, WOC and other marginalized groups who don’t yet know how to advocate for themselves. This work is so much bigger than me.
I share my story in full transparency hoping that someone will see themselves within it. If you are a doula, midwife, birth worker or advocate of any kind, share your truth. Someone, somewhere needs it.
